Imagine this scenario: You're in a restaurant seated at the table looking at the door. You notice someone walk in right away. She is GORGEOUS and radiates positive energy, and you are immediately drawn to her. But you don't think to yourself, "rock on, sister!" No, instead, you find yourself judging her and creating a story evoking serious envy! You start an internal conversation with yourself, tearing her down about all of the things that initially drew you to look at her. And then, eventually, you feel like total sh*t, and you leave the restaurant.
What just happened?!!
Let's play out another scene: The same woman walks into the restaurant. You think this time, "ROCK ON SISTER!!" and you continue about your business smiling and with ease. In only a matter of minutes, you have created a reflection of your confidence.
You see, the items we judge in others are actually a mirror image of the things we judge within ourselves. The things we desire AND the things we loathe within ourselves show up in others first. THIS is a self-sabotage practice that wears us down and ultimately is tied directly to our own self-confidence and self-worth.
Two scenes and two reactions. Which one do you prefer?
Creating confidence isn't always easy, but it is a simple concept, or (as we like to call it in the coaching world) a mindset shift! It's changing the internal conversation. It's speaking kindness and bold words of affirmation to thyself. It's not allowing others' opinions to resonate with your inner knowing and inner belief that you are worth SO much more!
Confidence comes from within YOU. Yes, it all starts and ends with you! The woman who walks in draws your attention because she stands firm, KNOWING what things she can share with the world and what things she might lack, but she doesn't allow the things she lacks to lead her forward. She is led by the power and knowledge of what she does have to offer. She speaks kindly to herself, and she shares that vibration with the rest of the world!
And guess what? You can too!
But you first, you have to let go of all the bullsh*t you keep telling yourself (or that someone else told you) that doesn't serve you or your deeper purpose. Let's create a THIRD scenario, where you take the following four steps to boost your confidence.
Step 1. Notice your thoughts
What are you saying to yourself? What are you thinking? If it is negative, then it is likely not true (so STOP IT)! If it is true, then ask yourself, can you change it? Or can you spin the conversation, so it serves you? For example, if you tell yourself, "you are so ugly," do you feel like that serves you? Like it's true? Chances are NO! So, can you change it? Can you create a positive affirmation and embrace positive self-talk? (Hint: yes!!!)
Step 2. Say goodbye to your BS limiting beliefs
Limiting beliefs are things you have told yourself (or others may have spoken to you) that are not true even if they feel like they are. They do not feel good, and you CAN let them go because they aren't you at your core. They may have been a bad moment or a bad season of life… But they do not define you!
Let them go by writing them down and stating, "I release myself from these limiting beliefs, and I choose not to let them define me or my self-worth anymore." You might need a little time here… Cry it out, sister!! You're worth the change that is coming.
Step 3. Embrace how AMAZING you are
Make a list of all the things you love about yourself and all the things you kick ass at. Write them as 'I AM' statements! These are YOU at your core, your identity, and the REAL things you bring to the world. (I bet there is more than you really give yourself credit for!) And if you struggle here, then ask three friends what they love most about you!
Step 4. Uplevel your self-talk dialogue
After you have done all the steps above, change your internal conversation — every conversation you have within your mind. Do this by first noticing what the conversation is, then spin it positively. Question it—play devil's advocate with your self-doubt. Share only love and kindness with YOURSELF and others. (And remember that what we judge in others is actually just a mirror of the things we love or hate within ourselves.)
Trust that YOU hold the key to your confidence! These are only four steps to get you started, but you are more than ready for the journey. If you want to know more, check out this guided meditation for confidence or schedule your complimentary breakthrough call with one of our amazing coaches!
Rock on sister ♥